It’s not about the stress – it’s about the recovery

Stress is on the rise; we all know it, right? Article after article pops up in our news feeds about its impact on our health, our relationships and our job performance. This has only become even more common during COVID-19.

The effects of this rise cannot be overstated. Stress is having a significant impact on many facets of our lives. It is costing organisations millions in lost productivity and mental health issues, while the toll on us as individuals has affected our careers, our relationships and our health.

When it comes to minimising stress, the prevailing wisdom is that it is best to change your job, avoid situations that make you feel stressed and, of course, try exercising and meditating. I absolutely believe in exercise and meditation, but I find the thought of actually removing or avoiding stressors a bit ridiculous. Inevitably, things happen that are out of our control; we get stressed, and we have to learn to manage that stress. How do we ‘avoid’ a global pandemic, being made redundant or our partner leaving us?

Indeed, not only is stress unavoidable, but a certain amount of stress is actually healthy and essential. Think about your physical body. We put our physical body under stress every time we use our legs, our arms and even our brains. When we stop using our muscles they start to wither and lose their strength – like a broken arm in a cast.

A life without stress, good or bad, is also a life without colour or ups and downs. Imagine a life in beige, where everything is predictable, controllable and safe. It might sound appealing for a minute, a day or a month, but I couldn’t think of anything worse than living a life that is  totally devoid of any sense of unpredictability.

However, there is a fine line between an appropriate amount of stress, and too little or too much. Too little, and we start to make mistakes of omission. These mistakes happen because without any sense of stress, it can be easy to just forget about an issue, or not give it appropriate thought. Conversely, when we have too much stress, we make mistakes of commission. These are mistakes that happen because we make the wrong decision. Too much stress can mean we are emotional or tired and our judgment is impaired, and as a result we may jump to conclusions or react in extreme or unhelpful ways.

The impact of stress is not going to be mitigated by ‘getting rid of stress’; this wouldn’t be realistic or desirable. It is best instead to focus on minimising the impact by accepting that a degree of stress is natural, even healthy, and learning to manage and recover from it. In his book I know what to do, so why don’t I do it?, Dr Nick Hall, a psychoneuroimmunologist who has spent his career studying the impact of emotions and stress on the body, emphasises that the issue is not the stress, but rather the recovery. His approach can be a little scientific and dry at times, but I loved finding out more about why I do and don’t do things.

When we get stressed our heart rate increases, which is a healthy thing. Our heart rate also increases when we are happy and excited, when we exercise or when we have sex. The trick is to have a reaction to every action. As our heart rate goes up, we need a reaction to bring our heart rate down. By controlling our recovery, we can manage the impact stress has on us.

We can achieve this by training our body to ‘learn’ to recover during times of stress automatically. Think about Pavlov’s dogs. We create an association between a behaviour and a trigger to create the desired response. In this case, we create a trigger that brings our heart rate down, allowing us to recover from the stress. This also means we need to allocate the time to recover. In sporting terms: we cannot run marathons every day; we need to allow our body to recover, to ensure peak performance the next time we run. Recovery in sport is not an option, it is an essential component of sustainable and effective performance – the same is true when it comes to dealing with stress.

The science is simple to understand, but the practice can be hard.

There are a number of ways we can train our body to recover: cognitively, spiritually, physically and emotionally. I will outline some of the tools that I use – this is not an exhaustive list, but they work for me. What’s most important is for you to find those few tools, or range of tools, that best help you recover from your stress.

Cognitive tools

These enable us to think through the issues and ‘problem solve’ the stress away. Consider the following.

Locus of control: I distinguish between what I am in control of and what I am not in control of. The areas outside of my control I stop worrying about because no matter how much I worry it won’t change a thing. Where I am in control, I make plans and then take action.

Worst-case scenario: I try to imagine the ‘worst’ thing that could happen and put things into perspective. My bottom line is that unless this issue or situation is going to literally kill me, I have faith that I will be able to find a solution, and that things will be okay.

Ask for help: I read a quote once that I love: ‘Only really smart people know that they are dumb’. I am a really smart person; I know when I need help and I am not embarrassed to ask for it. Only really dumb people think they can solve everything on their own. I have a coach, as well as mentors, friends, suppliers, colleagues and peers whom I rely on for feedback, advice and support. And, when all else fails, my husband is always there to tell me the truth, whether I like it or not!

Fun: I also allocate time to enjoy myself, to stop thinking or just to do something else. For me this is watching TV or cooking. I want you to notice the specific word I used. I ‘allocate’ time, rather than ‘allow’ it. Allocate means that I prioritise it and schedule it in because it is important. Allow would imply that permission has been given, as if it is a privilege. Having fun and using the other side of my brain to recover is essential, not a treat.

Emotional tools

I practise gratitude in two ways, depending on my mood and situation.

1. I am grateful for… Here, I consider all the things I am grateful for, both big and small: my warm bed, my new car, my family and a good coffee.
2. I am grateful I am not… Here, I compare myself sometimes to others and sometimes to situations. The comparison is not intended to evoke feelings of superiority or to pass judgement, but rather as a way to remind myself to feel grateful for what I have. For example, at the beginning of COVID-19 I was told by my doctor that I had to lose 6kg. I have high blood sugar and a family history of diabetes. After feeling scared about getting diabetes and then annoyed that the doctor called me ‘pre-obese’, I reminded myself to be grateful I only have to lose 6kg and not 16kg or 60kg.

Spiritual relief

Spiritual relief comes through finding meaning and purpose in what is happening. This is very personal and will be different for all of us. For me, I practise yoga and meditation. I found meditation really difficult in the beginning, but now I find that even 5–10 minutes of simply closing my eyes and breathing deeply can instantly de-stress me. I have a clear vision of what I want to achieve and why so when I hit issues or roadblocks, I have the motivation and purpose to find a solution.

Environmental triggers

As I outlined previously, I don’t think we can or should get rid of all stress in our life, but we can definitely get rid of stressors that are in our control. If you know something stresses, upsets or frustrates you, change it. Have that hard conversation that you have been avoiding, clear out the spare room that makes you angry every time you walk in there and can’t find something. Tackle the issues in your environment that you are capable of dealing with.

Physical stress release

Through training our bodies to recover by adding physical stress and then recovering, from moving our heart rates to maximum and then to normal, we can train our bodies to recover from stress automatically. I’ll admit that I am not one of those people who love exercise. Over the years, however, I have found that the only way I have been able to manage my life, which has often been very stressful, is to be physically strong. Now I exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes per day. This could be yoga, a walk or CrossFit. I don’t need to run a marathon or to lift 100kg (although prior to COVID-19 I did actually deadlift 70kg) but I do need to be physically healthy. And of course, we all know how important it is to eat healthily. Eat less, move more and you will stay healthy.

Desensitising and normalising

The concept of desensitising and normalising is simple. The more we talk about, think about or do something, the more normal it becomes. Research shows that people who are surrounded by violence in real life can become desensitised to violence and the pain of others. When you first get into a pool the water may feel freezing cold, but within minutes it often feels perfectly fine. This is desensitising and normalising. I do this with anything I am stressed about. I talk about it; you would be surprised how many people have the same worries and issues as you. I ask myself, ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’ I brainstorm ideas privately and with trusted friends. The more you talk or think about whatever issue or situation is confronting you, the more the fear and stress fades. Other times, it is simply a matter of practice. For example, presenting in front of a group or having a difficult conversation can seem like incredibly stressful situations to many of us, but the more you do it the better you get and the less stressful it becomes.

These are the routines and rituals that help me recover from stress. What actions can you take to recover? Remember, it’s not about getting rid of stress – it’s about recovering from it.

To support you Chorus Executive and Peeplcoach would like to offer you a 20% discount on any coaching or development programs you book during June to help you and your teams manage change, stress, productivity and mental health.